Universal Path.
Riding, at a hair raising velocity, his newest galacticycle, the Universal Wizard wandered through the frozen stellar immensities, his very own domain since he defeated the Andromeda Sorcerer, in a final battle involving the shooting of high energy blue and green comets, battle that ended with the unbelievable explosion of the biggest supernova ever created by the Universal Wizard, who, once he found himself the victor, and the new sole owner of everything-that-exists, he sent the Andromeda Sorcerer to have a drink with the one who inhabits the underworld… Forever.
Or at least after the Sorcerer accepted the unchallenged rule of the Wizard.
But, the Sorcerer didn’t last long at the underworld…
He died calcined when he shook hands with the one who inhabits the underworld…
You know, this guy has an extreme tendency to burn everything…
Well, the Wizard, set to travel through his domain, and is here where we find him now, traveling through the void towards the Milky Way, thinking of changing its name to Drinky Way, more in tone with his recently acquired taste for strong liquor.
He headed straight to the center of the galaxy, and just before he reached the awesome large black hole at the very center, he, showing off a little, did an impossible maneuver to reach the planet just at the edge of the event horizon. The planet of the site of the Regional Oppression Committee headquarters.
Immediately, all the officials and bureaucrats came to welcome him with the usual fanfare and ceremonial protocol that was accustomed for the Universal Wizard welcoming.
Just as quickly, the Wizard summoned all the higher officials for a briefing on the state of the Universe at large, about the administration affairs.
”Salve, oh great Universal Wizard, powerful Lord of the Stars, the vast domain that you put in our hands to manage wisely, is almost normal in its entirety, all is working well up to 99.999999999%…
What impedes us to report a 100% of normalcy is the deranged and abnormal behavior of a small, an insignificant blue planet in its route around its star, there in the outskirts of the galaxy… ”
”And, where is this small planet…?” Asked the Wizard.
”Is located in the system of the star 78N1745A in the third position…”
”It’s inhabitants erroneously call it Earth… Since it’s mostly water in its surface, we call it Water…”
The Wizard: ”And what is causing all that erratic path movement…?”
”Well, its inhabitants, a strange species of hominid, catalog number 45X2358human , with very limited intelligence, under the standard for the regional cluster… They pompously call themselves Homo Sapiens…”
”They have reached a state where they can transform certain things in their planet, and despite that they have the power to eliminate most of their problems, they have not even tried… They have created this state societies, one more unfair and contradictory than the other, and that alone has created a negative energy emanating from the brains of all that huge hominid population, and all that negative energy is what is causing the planet to tumble in its orbit, sending unruly ripples throughout the universe, altering the Universal Clockwork that you designed…”
The Wizard: ”So, this is how it is, uh…?”
”And, what do you think is the remedy…?
You know more about this rogue planet than I do…
What is your advice…?”
The high officials responded:
”Our Master Computer says the answer is that those humans reach what they call Happiness…”
The Wizard: ”Happiness…?”
”And what the meteor is that…?”
”We don’t know…”
”And the Master Computer has only a vague idea, not conclusive at all…”
”And it seems that even the vast majority of humans ignore what it is too…”
The Wizard: ”Happiness…?”
”What is this strange thing that not even me know what it is…?”
”I have to make an unscheduled visit to that planet…”
He jumped into his galacticycle, turned on the sound system to a heavy electronic tune, and pedaling furiously, aimed to the outer limits of the galaxy, in Earth’s direction…
Once he reached Earth’s vicinity, he orbited the planet in an inspection mode and immediately noticed that humanity had deviated from the Universal Path…
He remained the solution: Happiness.
The Universal Wizard, with his immense power, broke the time and space barriers, bringing back the dead, thus making that all living and all that once lived in the planet were summoned to his presence.
He called some of the most representative of their epoch, the ones most prominent in history, and one after another were asked by the Wizard:
”What is happiness…?”
And their answers were as follows:
Julius Caesar: ”Spending the night with Cleopatra… Ummm”
Marco Polo: ”All those gifts from the chinese, the gold, the ivory, the jewels, the porcelain, and… and…”
Henry the Eight: ”To have six wives…”
Napoleon: ”I, Europe’s Emperor…”
Lucretia Borgia: ”Poison my enemies… And some friends too…”
Herodes: ”Behead babies…”
Casanova: ”Have sex with Marie, with Lizette, with Antoinette, with Elizabeth, with Carla, with…”
Dante: ”To write a Divine Comedy…”
Monroe: ”America for the americans…”
Zapata: ”The land for the peasant…”
Marx: ”Dictatorship of the workers…”
Lenin: ”Power to the soviets…”
Rockefeller: ”Making 100 million dollars a day…”
Hitler: ”To kill the jew…”
Jackie Kennedy-Onassis: ”Marrying billionaires and become widowed.”
Nixon: ”To disappear Watergate…”
Snoopy: ”Grrrrr, wof, wof, grrrrr, wof…”
Mick Jagger: ”Brown sugar, how come it tastes so good… Just like a young girl should…”
Charles Manson: ”Take LSD and kill them all pigs…”
Pelé: ”Score more than 1,000 goals…”
Alain Delon: ”I, for the ladies…”
Yasser Arafat: ”Sink Israel in the Mediterranean…”
And, so, the Universal Wizard kept on listening and endless list of individuals.
And he found out that not one opinion coincided with another…
”I am wasting my precious time here…” He fastidiously thought…
”I’d rather look for the answer elsewhere…”
He was about to leave the planet altogether whe he heard someone calling him.
It was a strange looking man, wearing large white robes, who addressed the Wizard saying:
”I know how to reach happiness…”
”Who are you…?”, the Wizard asked him.
”My name is Epicurus, and I am from the Classic period of Greece…”
”And I believe I have found happiness…”
”Great…! And what is the formula…?” Asked the Wizard.
”It’s a set of few rules”
”One is, not to fear death, because when we are, death is not. And when death is, we are not…”
”We are not to fear the gods…”
”And above all, seek, search for pleasure, unlimited pleasure…”
”Pleasure is the path to happiness…”
All those concepts seemed reasonable to the Universal Wizard, so he decided to impose them to humanity.
The Wizard proclaimed a decree ordering humans to look for pleasure, pleasure above all considerations. And he proceed to abolish all prejudices, all mental retainers that could stop humanity in its search for pleasure.
There was great opposition from humanity. They didn’t want its prejudices abolished.
Humans never lived free of prejudices, so they were afraid of the outcome. There were riots all over.
”Do not take my prejudices away…!”
I want them, I want them now…!”
People chanted in the streets, while burning banners representing the Wizard.
But all protests were severely repressed, and opposition ceased.
Then, after a while, humanity immersed into an era of extreme pleasure and limitless excesses.
Satyrs were in full throttle. Nymphets were having it al, in all ways possible. No single man or woman was left untouched. Perversion was reigning. Binge drinking, mountains of drugs consumed, bacchanals everywhere.
But soon, everybody was exhausted, extremely tired and bored. Once they tried it all, they found themselves jaded, tired, weary.
And chaos returned impetuously.
The Universal Wizard, desperate, was yelling the most unreal orders, on which, confusion augmented.
He finally understood the futility of his actions… And when, totally disappointed, was about to leave this weird and uncontrollable planet and its inhabitants, and just about to start pedaling his galacticycle, is when a little kid with wild curly hair approached him saying:
”Please, Great Wizard don’t go just now…”
”There is a man who you have not heard yet…”
”Truth is in his words…”
”I’ve heard enough foolishness…” the Wizard replied.
But making a last effort said:
”Well then, where is that man…?”
”He lives in Galilei…” Said the kid.
”Bring him to me…” the Wizard ordered.
So the kid came back with said man, a bearded man, poorly dressed.
The man irradiated peace off his beautiful eyes.
”Who are you…?” The Wizard asked him.
”Jesus of Nazareth.”
”And what is your formula for happiness…?” The Wizard asked again.
”Love the others as you love yourself…”
Then, the Universal Wizard clearly understood why humanity had deviated so far from the Universal Path.